Elevator Man

It was my friends birthday and a group of us went to dinner at a rooftop restaurant downtown. Now to describe the group of individuals I was with, let's just say that many of them I had met for the first time at this restaurant, and they were typical LA women: beautiful, hair and makeup to a  "T",  the highest of high heels and shortest of dresses. I walked in holding birthday cupcakes, and took the elevator to the rooftop. A man was amongst me in the elevator and I hear him say, "You're here for a birthday party I take it?"

Me: "No i'm carrying birthday cupcakes for the hell of it."

He cocked his head to one side and stared at me before halfway smiling.

Note to self: stop being such a smart ass....for some reason these days it comes way too naturally. I've been through so much bullshit that I tend to say out loud what i'm thinking in my head.

Now to give readers an idea of this man from first impression, he was in business work attire, well groomed, very handsome, and clearly a young professional. He had a great smile and perfect teeth. 

The elevator came to a stop, I wished him a good night and found my way to the birthday table. 

I sat there drinking champagne while chatting with new faces and found myself realizing that no matter how long i've been in this city I could never conform to to the lifestyle of these women sitting before me. Through the superficial conversation of who's boyfriend was cheating on who, I was snapped out of my daydream by one of the girls snapping her fingers in the air to the waiter for assistance. I quickly looked around MORTIFIED to see if anyone else was noticing this highly unnecessary act. No one seemed to care or find it to be of any concern to them. I cowardly put my head down, as if to hide once the waiter came over, feeling guilty by association. The waiter asked what she needed and she said (and I am not kidding you) "We'll take another bottle of champagne on the house, I know $%@&* and he said it was fine." The waiter stood there and said he'd have to check, and she said "go ahead."

Once the waiter walked away I couldn't help myself so I said said very sarcastically "WOW you're a really good snapper. Who's name did you just give the waiter? 

"One of the owners...we used to sleep together, so he owes me."

I sat there staring at her in bewilderment as she then grabbed her glass and took a drink as if this was a normal conversation. I then realized as I looked around the table that I did not belong here at this table. Every purse was a Louis Vuitton and every heel had a red back showcasing their choice purchase of Christian Louboutin's. I will never compare to the physical sex appeal of these women before me, nor would I care or choose to. The only time you'll find me spending that type of money is on traveling or antique books....especially books. (Which I just realized, that may be why i'm single...dammit.) 

A few minutes later after our "house" bottle arrived and we toasted to a birthday sip, my solo gaze over the city lights was interrupted by the sound of a man's voice asking who the birthday girl was. I turned and saw the suited man from the elevator standing at the head of our table with a scotch in hand. All the ladies turned very excitedly to the good looking man before us and pointed to my friend. He then raised his glass and said he'd like to buy the birthday girl a drink to celebrate. All the ladies blushed and sat in awe. The "snap" lady across from me clearly was interested and aroused by this man's bravery of confronting our table, so she said him and his friends should join us after to our next location. I started to tune the conversation out, knowing this man would be her next victim, and why wouldn't he oblige, I mean just look at her! I resumed my focus on the city lights below me until I heard:

EM: "Beside getting the birthday girl a drink I was actually coming over to get this young ladies number."

Due to dead silence, I looked up and realized everyone was staring at me. He stood there with a grin on his face and the silence was broken as 'snap lady' said out loud while pointing to me, "Her? Karli?"

He said "Yes, I will not be leaving until I receive this beautiful ladies number."

I was in shock....me? Is he nuts! 'Snap lady' was pissed as my friend cheered and yelled out loud my number. The man came over and grabbed my hand, kissed it and said "nice to meet you Karli" before walking away. The girls were in an uproar and laughingly enjoyed that moment of "Mr. Suave". They made me promise to go out with him once he asked. We left the restaurant...both me and 'snap lady' wildly confused.

Three days later EM had asked me to meet him downtown for lunch. He greeted me at the front of the restaurant, suited up and looking handsome. We walked up to the counter to order and the hostess said "Will this be together or separate?" and before I could even say anything, he quickly yelled "Separate"

My eyes opened wide and I nodded while handing over my card for my order.....well this is an interesting start to a lunch "date". We then sat down outside with our sandwiches very awkwardly. He then said "So...Karli. Tell me about yourself!"

We engaged in typical conversation and it was going normally well until out of the blue he said "So what's your deepest fantasy?"

Me: "Um. Like sexual fantasy?"

EM: "Of course."

I was shocked and partly scared by his confidence in his question. 

I was unprepared to answer this.

Me: "I don't know....you?"

EM: "I really like leather...and I recently went to an art show where the artist used leather and latex art pieces in the form of human sex symbols. It was very interesting and got me thinking that i'd like to play in the bedroom with leather and latex."

I swallowed very loudly and stared at him smiling in his business suit. This was taking an unexpected turn...I thought he must be messing with me, he's got to be kidding...

EM: "Do you think you'd be into that? How do you feel? It could be something fun for us to try?"

He was definitely not joking.

I continued to eat my sandwich while staring at him. I felt out of my comfort zone with this conversation being the first "non-date" and all. So I said "Welp...it could be interesting I guess and I'd love to hear all about your latex/leather sex-capades one day after you have them."

He seemed confused by my bold response and laughed. "Don't be ashamed of your inner wants and desires. It's okay to express yourself and your womanly needs, even to a new acquaintance. It's something we can explore together. You are a beautiful woman. You're body is sexy and the way you carry yourself is intimidating for a man. I think we can and should explore our fantasies together."

I attempted to hide my astonished face. Men never cease to confuse/amaze me.

I ended up smiling at him while I wrapped up the second half of my sandwich in the to-go foil the waitress brought and put my purse over my shoulder to show my need to leave. He looked let down that my response wasn't in agreeance with his "50 Shades of Grey" offer. He slowly wrapped the second half of his lunch as well, stood up and put his sunglasses on. He walked me to the corner, gave me a hug and said. "Let's explore life together Karli. Don't be afraid. I don't bite in public...only in the bedroom." Then he grabbed my face and aggressively kissed me...using way too much tongue than necessary. He bit my lip and kissed me one last time before saying he hoped to see me soon.

I walked away and thought "What the $%@* just happened!?" 

Two days later I received a text message from EM that read: "I'll have the leather if you bring the wine...."