Karma Man

My 2nd date, which was supposed to be my first, I had rescheduled due not feeling well (thanks to my failing immune system). When I had called to inform this man that I would have to reschedule, I could tell he was very upset due to the nature of his attitude after hearing the news. He named the steakhouse he had made reservations to (an unnecessarily fancy one) so of course I immediately felt bad for bailing. He then proceeded to ask me what was wrong with me and how badly I was sick?

I explained that I have an ongoing health issue that is unnecessary to talk about at the present time, but that yes I get sick often and will have to go to the hospital.

Everything I had told him up to this point was true and accurate information....

He then proceeded to get very involved in the information I had told him, gasped for a breath (as if I had told him I was dying) and said, "So you're on your way to the ER right now? Can I come visit you later? What hospital are you going to? This is definitely serious and worth canceling on."

Now this is where I am going to stop and apologize to readers....I do not condone lying to people, but in this case I couldn't help myself after hearing the sound of relief in his voice when he thought I was canceling since I was going to the ER.

Me: "Yes, I am on my way there now."

KM: "Oh no, is there anything I can do for you? Let me come and drive you there!"

Me: "No, that's okay. I'm already on my way there now, it's just a couple blocks from downtown."

KM: "Will you text me from the ER so I know you made it safe. Will they put you in a room? If so, let me know so I can come say hi. Wow, what a first date that will be....in the ER!"

He was starting to sound way too excited for this idea, and little did he know I was laying in my bed with my dog eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos and looking at the Los Angeles Downtown newspaper.....(Yes, I understand it was a bad dinner choice, but I'm sick no matter what I eat so I might as well enjoy myself). 

I knew it was wrong to continue the lie, but I found myself amused by his excitement in my pain. 

Me: "I don't think I'll be allowed to have visitors."

KM: "Well please let me know you are okay. Let's reschedule for tomorrow if you think you'll be feeling up to it."

Now since this conversation was on a Monday (when I was supposed to start my first 50 in 50 dates) I knew I already had a Tuesday date planned (PM: Penis Man).

Me: "I think I may need a day to recover, so let's just grab a drink downtown Wednesday night."

KM: "Do you really think drinking would be a good idea after being in the ER?"

Me: "That's what my day of recovery is for!"

We got off the phone and I felt bad for secretly knowing that I was going to sleep comfortably in my bed, and Karma Man was going to fall asleep thinking I was sleeping in a hospital bed. 

Now I am going to jump forward to Wednesday, and this is where this individual is given the title Karma Man (KM). Not Karma to him....but Karma to me.

I was meeting up with KM at a quiet spot downtown for a drink. I was running late, so I texted him that I was waiting for my cab to pick me up from my place and take me there and I apologized for running late. 

I finally got into a cab and texted him: "I am en route, my cab driver is currently smoking a cigarette with the windows rolled up, and Sade is playing by CD for my enjoyment."

Since he only texted me back a "?" I realized then that he either was confused by my humor, or didn't know who Sade was....both red flags.

I arrived at the location, walked inside, and saw a tall (extremely skinny) man sitting at the bar. He turned to me, and through his thick rimmed glasses I realized he had looked nothing like his photos. I had officially been catfished. 

Never the less, I sat down and ordered myself a beer. I am always preaching to young women (especially here in LA) on how they should never date a man solely on good looks or money since those are the two things that can be taken away in a minute. A mans personality and humor is what I find most attractive, so I was hoping that this individual in front of me had Will Ferrell humor.

After an awkward/half silent conversation I decided it was time to call it a night. To my surprise he turned to me and said, "Do you want to get out of here? It's kind of dead and I know of an awesome small band playing music tonight at a venue just a couple blocks away. They play folksy bluegrass style music, and you seem like a country girl at heart so you might like it."

I was surprised by his sudden confidence, and confused as to how he could tell I was country at heart since I was in a black dress and heels (I even put makeup on for the occasion)...so I accepted his offer.

As we started the walk to the venue, I saw him put his arm up and click the lock alarm to his car that was parked on the street. He obviously did this so I would look over and notice the 2014 BMW he was "making sure" was locked. I then noticed the "Courtesy BMW" sticker on the back windshield of the car.

Me: "Did you rent that car for our date?"

Of course I was joking, but he got really embarrassed and rapidly tried to explain that he owned the same car but it was getting fixed since someone scratched it. I told him no worries, I believed him and was just kidding.....Will Ferrell humor box was now indefinitely unchecked.

As we neared the corner of the venue, he assured me that we wouldn't have to wait in line since he knew the band.

Me: "How do you know the band?"

KM: "The guitarist/lead singer is my Dad."

I immediately stopped in my tracks and turned to him

Me: "Your Dad?"

KM: "Yes."

His relaxed manner about this situation was disturbing. 

Me: "So is your Mom there too?"

KM: "She probably will be. She always goes to watch him play. She's his biggest fan...hasn't missed a show."

Even though I found this act of his parents continued love for each other to be cute and admirable...I was mortified.

Me: "So I'm about to meet your parents right now."

He kind of chuckled and then said: "Yes, but let's tell them we met at a coffee shop."

He then turned, grabbed my hand, and led me to the front of the line and asked for two tickets.

KM: "I need two reserved tickets please....I am family."

I almost lost my shit!

Lesson learned: Do not lie to others....Karma is a bitch.